Complex trauma survivors often feel the need to prove their pain to others because their trauma was hidden in the everyday details of life. If trauma was the norm when you were young, it may be difficult to explain exactly what is impacting you all these years later. If more often than not days were painful in your upbringing, it may be hard to convey what was so bad about your childhood. If trauma existed in the details of ‘normal’ life when you were a kid, you might struggle to understand why you carry around so much pain.

The Invisible Weight of Daily Trauma
When trauma wasn’t one single catastrophic event, but a series of daily occurrences of harm or neglect, you might feel gaslit into believing that what you endured is just something you should get over. You might think what you experienced wasn’t that bad, even though your body routinely tells a different story. You might play mental gymnastics to make it okay, citing a roof over your head and food on the table—all the while your body holds the truth that your mind may be trying to override.

This invisible weight of daily trauma is often misunderstood by others, leading to feelings of isolation and the need to justify your pain. When trauma becomes a constant background noise, it can be challenging to convey the extent of its impact.

Consider the phrase: I can trust myself even if I was led to believe otherwise

Directions: Say this phrase out loud or let the words take up internal space. You may find this phrase easier to take in as two separate ideas. First try on, “I can trust myself.” Allow your body to take these words in and see where they want to reside. Notice any sensation, memories, or feelings associated with the idea of trusting yourself. Now notice how it feels to add the second part of this statement, “even if I was led to believe otherwise.” Attend to any shifts or changes that occur in your body when you acknowledge that even if others don’t believe you, you can fully believe yourself. Consider this phrase and the idea of self-trust each day and attempt to build this concept into your experience of yourself.

Validating Your Experience
One of the reasons we find ourselves feeling like we have to prove or justify our pain to others is because we are in the habit of trying to prove or disprove our pain to ourselves. If each of us accepted our own realities as truths to our nervous system, it would be a lot easier to accept other people in their full realities, too.

None of us should have to prove our pain. Just naming it is hard enough. Recognizing and validating your experience is a crucial step in your healing journey. It’s important to honor your feelings and acknowledge the impact of your experiences, even if they seem invisible to others.

Acknowledging the Unspoken
To those of you who endured trauma that you don’t even know how to talk about, I see you. Your experiences are valid, and your pain is real. You don’t have to prove anything to anyone. Trust in your body’s wisdom and allow yourself to feel and trust that your body can hold your emotions.

Healing from hidden trauma involves recognizing the unspoken and giving voice to the experiences that have shaped you. By acknowledging your pain, you begin to free yourself from the need to justify or minimize your experiences. Self-care strategies that are healing-focused can be powerful tools on our road to wholeness.

Dear one, remember that you are not alone in this journey. Many of us carry invisible scars, and together, we can create a space where all pain is acknowledged and validated. Trust in your truth and let it guide you towards healing and wholeness.

Thank you for letting me see you,