Many of us grew up in environments where punishment overshadowed love, which likely has greatly impacted how we understand safety and trust. When we think about what constitutes a safe and secure upbringing, we might understand that alongside protection and guidance, children also need to receive wholehearted love and acceptance. This week, I want to share an important message: love is a far better teacher than punishment ever will be.

The Impact of Punishment
When punishment is the norm, children often become adept at avoiding trouble rather than understanding their mistakes. They may begin to hide things from their caregivers, seeing secrecy as a means of safety. This dynamic not only affects their home life but also increases their vulnerability in the outside world. When discipline is more freely given than love, children might fear their caregivers more than external dangers.

The actions of caregivers profoundly influence how children perceive safety. If adults demonstrate an unwillingness to soften to children’s developing curiosities, kids learn to conceal parts of themselves. They won't see their caregivers as the safe, trustworthy figures they need. Instead, they take greater risks and seek guidance from peers when what they truly need is the mentorship of a loving adult.

Consider the phrase: I am now, and have always been, deserving of safety and whole-hearted love.

Directions: Place your hand gently on your heart and begin to consider these words. You may like saying them out loud to yourself, first by whispering them then by saying them a little louder. You might prefer to hold these words inside as you consider all of the ways this statement can take up space. As you try on this phrase, let yourself sink deeper into your body. Allow the tension you are holding to soften. Noticing how allowing your oxygen to flow through you makes more room for this phrase to exist. And as you are able, offer yourself, even for just a moment, the safety and whole-hearted love you have been longing for.

Creating a Safe Environment
Protecting children means allowing them to learn within a secure and loving environment. It means pairing guidance with love, showing them they can turn to their caregivers even when they're scared. This approach fosters an atmosphere where children feel safe to share their thoughts, fears, and mistakes without fear of harsh judgment or repercussion.

Imagine if more of us had grown up in homes where open communication with caregivers was encouraged. Our relationship with fear and shame would be fundamentally different. Acceptance and gentleness, rather than punishment and anger, would have shaped our understanding of love and safety.

Dear one, if you are healing from childhood wounds and striving to show up differently for your own children, I see you. Your efforts to create a nurturing, loving environment for your children are incredibly important. You are teaching them that they are safe, loved, and accepted, setting the foundation for their future relationships with trust and security.

I would love to see you September 19-23rd in Dallas, Texas for our third Healing Your Way Home Retreat, where each and every part of you is invited to heal. For those of us who didn’t get what we needed in our upbringing, we may have to seek out and find the acceptance we’ve been longing for. And Brittany, Morenike, and I are ready to welcome all of you to exist without judgment.

Thank you for letting me see you,