Healing from trauma is no small task, and the process is often filled with various stages and nuances. One critical aspect of the healing journey is understanding that we rarely go from feeling traumatized to feeling completely safe in an instant. Instead, the path to safety is gradual and involves recognizing stages of relative safety. This understanding is vital for those who have endured traumatic experiences, as it allows for a more compassionate and realistic approach to healing.

Recognizing Non-Danger as a Step Towards Safety
Before we can find safety, we must first learn to recognize non-danger. This might sound simple, but for those with a traumatic past, identifying situations, people, and places where danger no longer exists is a significant step. Our nervous systems, conditioned by past trauma and held trauma responses, often remain hyper-vigilant, perceiving threats even in safe environments. Therefore, acknowledging moments and places of non-danger helps in recalibrating our sense of safety.

The Concept of Relative Safety
When healing from trauma, we need to think in terms of relative safety. Absolute safety might not always be accessible, especially in the early stages of recovery, and depending on your exact social location. However, recognizing increments of safety—places and situations that are safer than the traumatic environment—can be incredibly helpful. This approach allows us to gradually expand our comfort zones without overwhelming our nervous systems.

Consider the phrase: Threat does not exist all around me

Directions: This one might feel tricky, so there is no need to rush it. Start by slowly gazing around you, allowing your eyes to soften in their sockets and gently glance in the space you’re in. Notice the small details around you, attend to the neutral or positive stimuli in view. You may want to say this phrase out loud to yourself or you may prefer to simply consider the phrase in your mind as you slowly take in your environment. As you are able, notice how right here, right now, in this exact moment, you may be able to experience relative safety and non-danger.

Practical Steps to Identify Safe Spaces

• Evaluate Your Environment: Start by identifying environments where you feel less threatened. This could be a particular room in your house, a friend's home, or a favorite park. Pay attention to your body's responses in these places—do you feel your muscles relaxing, do you have more access to your breath? These are signs that your body is able to be less vigilant in these environments.
• Assess Relationships: Reflect on the people in your life. Who makes you feel supported and heard? Who respects your boundaries? Building and maintaining relationships with such individuals can help create a network of relative safety.
• Recognize Non-Dangerous Activities: Engage in activities that feel soothing and non-threatening. This could be reading a book, listening to calming music, or gently moving your body. These activities help signal to your brain that you are in a non-dangerous situation.
• Practice embodiment: Connecting with your body can help you stay connected to the present moment, reducing feelings of anxiety and fear. Simple practices like attending to the breath, sensory observation, or even holding onto a comforting object can reinforce feelings of safety.

Moving Towards Internal Safety
Once you start identifying non-danger and relative safety, the next step is to build upon these foundations. Gradually, as your sense of relative safety strengthens, you can begin to notice how you can take your internal sense of safety with you everywhere you go. This will aid in how you navigate more challenging environments and situations, and help you plan ahead for the sort of coping tools or support that may best assist you as you work to establish a strong sense of self.

The journey from trauma to safety is not a straight path but a series of steps that involve recognizing and embracing relative safety. By acknowledging non-danger and gradually expanding our comfort zones, we can build a foundation for true safety and healing. Progress often feels more significant than it looks, focusing on learning to tolerate stillness and increasing our capacity by tending to ourselves, rather than constantly pushing our limits. An embodied self-care practice can help you truly feel the possibility of healing.

Remember, dear one, healing is a journey, and every step you take towards recognizing safety is a step towards reclaiming your life.

Thank you for letting me see you,