When we’re on our healing journey, it’s crucial to acknowledge the origins of our coping mechanisms. One of the most common strategies we adopt in response to a challenging upbringing is perfectionism. Kids don’t need explicit messages about the necessity of perfection to internalize the need to be perfect. Their experiences shape these tendencies naturally.

The Roots of Perfectionism in Childhood
Children who grow up in harmful, unpredictable, or chaotic environments often develop concrete mechanisms to survive. These mechanisms, including perfectionism and people-pleasing, are not innate desires but learned responses. Children don't simply decide to be perfectionistic; they adapt to their circumstances.

Perfectionism serves a purpose. It can provide a sense of control in an otherwise uncontrollable environment. For children lacking the resources to remove themselves from their environment, perfectionism can become a way to manage and navigate their world.

The Creativity of Coping
Children who survive trauma display remarkable creativity in their coping strategies. When escape isn’t an option, they get creative to survive. However, this survival mode often comes at the cost of a typical childhood experience. Managing a home environment and/or caregivers can lead to a significant disconnection from their true selves.

Survival mode doesn’t allow for the developmental freedom of being a child. It demands a constant state of alertness and adaptation, leaving little room for play, exploration, or self-discovery.

Moving Forward: From Surviving to Thriving
If you developed perfectionism as a coping skill, it’s essential to recognize that it was a necessary tool for survival. Acknowledging this can help you understand why you behaved the way you did and why it’s okay to let go of these patterns now.

As adults, we have the opportunity to try on new coping skills. It’s a journey of moving from merely surviving to truly thriving. This transition involves showing up differently, embracing new ways of being, and reconnecting with our authentic selves.

Embracing Your Journey
To those of you beginning to show up differently in your adulthood than you did when you were surviving your youth, I see you. Your journey is valid, and your efforts to transform your coping mechanisms are a demonstration of your resilience and strength.

Consider the phrase: I can support myself in gentle ways

Directions: Say this phrase out loud to yourself. Consider saying it a few times, each time noticing how the words feel inside of your body. Let yourself experiment with saying the phrase faster and slower, louder and softer. As you are able, allow your body to soften or relax as you consider ways you can be gentle with yourself in this moment. When you are ready, allow gentleness to be a way of existing with yourself and others.

By understanding and transforming our childhood coping mechanisms, we create space for healing, growth, and a deeper connection with our true selves. The Healing Your Way Home Retreat offers transformative support akin to months of therapy. You'll gain knowledge and practice managing trauma responses, connecting deeply with yourself. Let’s continue this journey together, embracing gentleness towards ourselves and fostering a life of authenticity and well-being.

In our shared journey towards healing and empowerment, let’s acknowledge our past while creating a future that allows us to return home to ourselves.

Thank you for letting me see you,