I’m about to be 41. Isn’t it interesting how some years hit differently than others? I’m not sure if it’s the number itself or the context of my life right now, but this year, this age, feels especially heavy.

I've been reflecting a lot about aging. When we're young, we can't wait to get older. We rush through our twenties, already feeling old because we’re no longer kids. Then, at some point, we start wishing to stop the clock, to erase any signs of aging altogether.

But aging brings wisdom too. I’ve noticed how much more stable I feel within myself, even when the world around me is in chaos. I can feel completely undone in both personal and professional realms, yet somehow still feel okay. It’s now, more than ever, that I understand the journey is happening right here, right now.

We’re all living our lives in real-time. The good, the bad, the heartbreaking — it’s all part of our story. When we face struggles, the world continues to move forward, and so do parts of us. As I add another year, I feel the weight of it, but I also find joy in moments with friends that make me laugh deeply. Despite the chaos, we can find pockets of peace in our safe spaces.

We are complex beings, containing multitudes. As I step into my 41st year, I am learning to sit with all my parts and honor the dualities within me. I can feel both pain and hope, and so can you.

Often, we find ourselves waiting — waiting to be better, waiting for what's next, waiting for healing. We put our lives on hold, hoping that things will improve in the future. But the truth is, healing and living are not destinations; they are processes that happen every day. Healing is seen in our ability to get up each day and carry on, acknowledging both our pain and our progress.

I recently shared with a friend that I’ve really been attending to how even amidst our pain, life continues on around us. Cars still drive, people still live their lives, all of us carrying our own burdens and joys. This is what it means to exist — to recognize that everything happens simultaneously. It’s essential to notice not just the struggles but also the moments that are north of neutral, too.

Survivors often get stuck in survival mode, seeing every moment as a threat. But as we heal, we need to recognize the moments when we are more than just surviving. Acknowledging the duality within us is crucial. We must allow ourselves to experience the full spectrum of our emotions, recognizing that while trauma has shaped us, we are not defined by it.

Living fully means embracing the dualities of life. The sun still shines, flowers still bloom, and amidst pain, there are moments of peace and happiness. We must open ourselves to these moments, understanding that healing and living are intertwined.

Dear one, remember that you can see and honor yourself and your process everyday. Cheers to all of us, for living, healing, and embracing our complexities.

Thank you for letting me see you,