Self-care is often sold to us as a task—something to check off a list when we have the time. But real self-care, the kind that actually sustains us, isn’t something we complete. It’s something we practice.
And one of the most radical forms of self-care? Honoring our capacity.

Capacity: The Missing Piece of Self-Care
Our capacity—our ability to show up, engage, and tend to life—changes constantly. It shifts day by day, season by season, sometimes moment by moment. But how often do we adjust our expectations to meet our capacity?

If we’re holding ourselves to the same standards regardless of how much we have to give, we’re not setting ourselves up for success—we’re setting ourselves up for exhaustion.

• If your energy is low but your expectations are high, you might feel frustrated with yourself.
• If you’re overwhelmed but still pushing through, you might end up more depleted than before.
• If you’re struggling but ignoring your needs, self-care might feel impossible.

So much of the frustration we feel toward ourselves isn’t because we’re failing—it’s because we’re holding ourselves to expectations that don’t match our reality.

When Self-Critique Replaces Care
If you grew up in an environment where criticism was constant, where perfection was expected, or where your needs were dismissed, you might not even realize how much judgment you place on yourself when your capacity is low.

Instead of adjusting expectations, you might hear the voice of self-critique:
Why can’t I do more?
I should be able to handle this.
What’s wrong with me?

But what if, instead of critique, you met yourself with care?

What if, on the days when your capacity is low, you didn’t push harder—but instead, adjusted?

What if, instead of forcing yourself to meet an old expectation, you let yourself exist in your current reality, just as you are?

The Practice of Adjusting to Capacity
Honoring your capacity is an act of self-trust. It’s a way of telling yourself: I believe in my own wisdom. I listen to what I need. I don’t have to prove my worth through doing.

This doesn’t mean we abandon structure, routines, or responsibilities. It means we become flexible with ourselves. We make adjustments. We work with ourselves, not against ourselves.

And when we do? Life becomes softer. Self-care stops being something we have to “make time for” and instead becomes something we practice in real-time—by listening, adjusting, and allowing.

Your Invitation
Next time you find yourself struggling, instead of asking, Why am I like this? ask yourself:

What’s my capacity today?
What’s one expectation I can shift to meet myself where I am?

Self-care is not about pushing through. It’s about learning to listen. Learning to trust. Learning to work with yourself instead of against yourself.

Thank you for letting me see you,