For many of us, tuning in to our own needs feels unfamiliar, even unnatural. We’re often deeply attuned to what others need—reading the slightest shift in someone’s tone, sensing an unspoken tension in a room—but struggle to recognize when we’re tired, hungry, or simply in need of a moment to pause.

Why is that?

For many complex trauma survivors, childhood wasn’t a time of learning how to care for our needs—it was a time of survival. We may have had caregivers who didn’t tend to themselves, so we never saw what it looked like to prioritize basic care. Maybe we were subtly (or explicitly) taught that tending to ourselves was selfish, or that being “strong” meant pushing through discomfort rather than responding to it.

Over time, this disconnect from ourselves becomes automatic. We push aside the simple needs—hydration, nourishment, rest—without even realizing we’re doing it. We operate under the belief that we should always be in motion, that tending to ourselves is a luxury rather than a necessity.

But here’s the truth: your needs are not an inconvenience. They are the foundation of your well-being.

Breaking the Cycle of Neglect
When we override our basic needs, it doesn’t just affect us physically—it affects our mental and emotional well-being, too. Chronic exhaustion, heightened anxiety, difficulty regulating emotions—these are all consequences of living in a state of depletion.

And yet, so many of us hesitate to slow down. We worry that if we take time to care for ourselves, we won’t be ready when something difficult happens. We tell ourselves we’re too busy, as if our own survival doesn’t depend on the very things we’re neglecting.

But caring for yourself doesn’t mean losing your resilience. In fact, it strengthens it.

You don’t lose your ability to cope by pausing to drink water. You don’t become less capable by allowing yourself to rest. Instead, you build capacity. You make space to respond to life rather than just react to it.

Reframing Self-Care as Survival
The self-care industry often markets care as an add-on—a treat for when you’ve finished everything else. But true care isn’t about luxury, and it’s not just about bubble baths and spa days. It’s about the fundamental things that allow us to function: eating when we’re hungry, sleeping when we’re tired, taking a deep breath when we need a moment.

Caring for yourself isn’t an afterthought. It’s not something you have to earn.

It’s how you sustain yourself. It’s how you heal.

So this week, I invite you to notice: when do you dismiss your own needs? Where do you override the signals your body is sending you? And what would it feel like to respond instead?

Because your needs matter. They always have. And tending to them isn’t selfish—it’s essential.

This is the start of a deeper conversation about caring for ourselves through meeting our basic needs. Over the next few weeks, we’ll explore what it really means to tend to ourselves in ways that sustain us—physically, emotionally, and mentally. Because healing isn’t about adding more to our plate—it’s about honoring what we need in the first place.

Thank you for letting me see you,