The Myth of Time as a Healer: Navigating Our Traumatic Past with Presence and Intentionality
As time goes by, we often hear the adage, "Time heals all wounds." But as many who have walked the long and winding roads of recovery know, time, on its own, isn't a magical balm that soothes the deep-seated wounds of complex trauma. Instead, time may create distance within ourselves, and we may find that time only reinforces our pain and trauma responses rather than alleviating them. What we often learn is that we need a lot more than time in order to move forward. We often need really intentional shifts to occur so we can begin to be more present.
While time doesn’t heal all wounds, it does offer us a perspective. Having time distance from our trauma affords us a lens through which we can see our experiences stretched out across our lives, offering us a chance to notice, understand, and potentially expand our narratives.
It's a paradoxical truth—time can both magnify and intensify our wounds. A trauma memory, flashback, or trigger can interrupt a seemingly normal day, thus reminding us that our past is not a separate story, rather a chapter of the book we continue to write with each passing day. Many complex trauma survivors find themselves in a complicated relationship with their past, and this can continue years after the traumatic events have ceased to unfold in real time.
The role of time in healing is not to distance us from our trauma but rather to allow us the space we need to resolve or complete any held trauma responses. Time helps us to gather wisdom through aging and opportunity, and it’s with this wisdom we can begin to see the value of softening to ourselves. Once we begin to soften, a gentleness practice can become part of our life, and through offering ourselves kindness, we can begin to release what is no longer ours to hold.
A gentleness practice can show us that moving forward without addressing our pain is akin to building a house on an unstable foundation. It may stand for a while, but the cracks will show, and the walls will eventually tremble. Ignoring our pain doesn't make it less real; it only makes it more persistent.
So what can we do?
We can start by acknowledging that time is a dimension of healing, not the healer itself. We can give ourselves permission to feel, to grieve, and to seek support. We can find ways to gently lean into our pain, knowing that it's part of the human experience, and through this acknowledgment, we can begin to find our way toward healing.
We can create new rituals that honor our past while fostering hope for the future. These practices can be as simple as a morning walk, journaling, or setting aside a moment to intentionally be with your body each day. They serve as daily reminders of our commitment to navigating our pain with intention.
And perhaps most importantly, we can remind ourselves that healing is not linear. It is a path with its own rhythm, one that may lead us through valleys and over peaks in unexpected patterns. Each step, whether it feels forward or backward, is part of the process—part of the learning, part of the becoming, part of you finding your way back home to yourself.
Our past does not define us, but it does contribute to the complex pattern of who we are. With time as our companion, not our healer, we can journey our way to a more authentic and congruent present. And it is through the interweaving of our past and present that we will find the answers we are looking for as we move forward into the future.
intentionality
At The Empowered Therapist, Danica firmly believes that everyone is their own expert. Her mission is to guide individuals to their own insights, ensuring they know they're not alone on their journey. Danica understands that healing unfolds in small yet significant doses, fostered through normalization, validation, education, and gentleness. To support your healing journey, Danica and her team offer a broad spectrum of services, including personalized therapy, professional training, immersive events, empowering coaching sessions and so much more. Danica's goal is to create a supportive environment where change is not just possible but inevitable, helping individuals embrace their fullest healing potential and embark on a path of deep self-discovery and lasting change.
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