When someone chooses to go no or low contact with family, it’s not a decision made lightly. It’s rarely the first choice and often comes after years of pain, effort, and longing for things to be different.

For those who’ve made this choice, it’s a deeply personal and often heartbreaking decision. Yet society is quick to criticize them as selfish, disrespectful, or ungrateful, focusing on the one who stepped away rather than the dysfunction they left behind.

Let’s shift that narrative.

Why People Choose Distance
Most people who go no or low contact with family do so after exhausting every other option. They’ve tried to repair. They’ve tried to be seen and heard. They’ve held onto hope that things could change.

But what often happens is:

• Promises to change are made but not kept.
• Small periods of healthier behavior give way to old patterns.
• Guilt and obligation keep them locked in harmful dynamics.

Eventually, the only way to stop the cycle of pain is to step away entirely.

This isn’t an act of selfishness—it’s one of survival.

The Cultural Narrative
There’s a pervasive idea that family is sacred no matter what. That cutting ties with family members is always wrong.

But these narratives ignore the immense effort people put into maintaining those ties, even when it harms them. They place the burden of repair on the person who’s already endured the most pain.

What if we shifted our expectations?

• What if we held those who caused harm accountable for their actions?
• What if we validated those who chose distance instead of criticizing them?
• What if we recognized that sometimes the healthiest thing someone can do is step away?

The Role of Distance in Healing
Remaining enmeshed in a family system that caused harm often keeps old patterns alive. If you were the scapegoat, the people pleaser, or the peacekeeper, those roles can feel unavoidable when you’re around your family.

And those patterns don’t stay confined to family—they often show up in other relationships, too.

Distance provides an opportunity to step out of those roles and see the dynamics more clearly. It allows space to heal, redefine your boundaries, and discover who you are outside of the roles you’ve always played.

Finding Your Path
Not everyone needs to go no contact to heal. For some, low contact, boundaries, or different types of interactions can provide enough space for clarity and growth.

The path isn’t one-size-fits-all. The important thing is that it’s yours.

To Those Who’ve Chosen Distance
If you’ve distanced yourself from family because it was the only way to protect your peace, I see you.

Your decision was courageous, not selfish. It was a way of choosing yourself when staying felt impossible.

Dear one, you deserve to feel safe. You deserve to heal.
And you deserve to be supported in your choices.

Thank you for letting me see you,