I am constantly reminded that we are all experiencing the world differently- at the same time. 

While experiencing some fear from the rough air on my recent flight home from Salt Lake City, I glanced repeatedly at the flight attendant in front of me. My fear was seeking confirmation, I wanted to know if the flight attendant was worried about the turbulence. Flight attendants have so much power in my life; I use what I perceive from their expressions to assess my felt sense of safety. I look to them for signs that my anxiety is disproportionate to the experience we’re having. I say to myself, if they are okay, I am okay. I always wonder if they know how much they shape my experience on a flight.

The flight attendant in front of my seat from Salt Lake to Dallas was so enjoyable to watch. While I looked at her, she gazed at her phone. Smiling from ear to ear. Clearly messaging back and forth with someone she was enjoying. She text quickly, her smile grew, her cheeks blushed. Her activation and mine were incredibly different in this moment- hers associated with her joy, mine with my fear.

Being human is actually really beautiful if we look for the beauty. Our duality exists. Her joy existed right alongside my fear, and neither of us were having a more worthy experience. I found myself wondering about her messages, curious if she was chatting with a friend, a loved one, or a crush. I allowed myself to get lost in a daydream about her life, and this was the distraction my anxiety desperately needed.

In the height of my activation, I looked for something less activating in my environment. This allowed me to see outside of myself. It reminded me that at any given moment so many things can be happening at the same time. Her positive activation wasn’t exactly what I was intending to look for, but it reminded me that part of my anxiety is linked with my own humanity. Her happiness helped me to be in touch with my own desire to survive my flight, because after all, I too want to experience feel good activation. In that moment I could access both the part of me that felt afraid, and the part of me that knows exactly what joy feels like. And seeing her, reminded me that all of me gets to exist.

Her joy settled my fear. Her happiness helped me connect with my innate desire to survive. Her activation reminded me that not all activation is bad and that my fear will entirely settle the moment the wheels are on the ground.

Dear one, when we slow down and look for alternatives, both within us and around us, we can expand our experience. Rather than endorse my anxiety, I noticed it, allowed it to exist, and looked for different stimuli. As I finished typing this story into my phone on the flight, I noticed the swirling in my chest had settled, and my body began to soften. As I finished adding my last few thoughts in my notes app, I was so profoundly aware of the multiplicity existing in and around me.

When we look for alternatives, alternatives exist. When we only allow our uncomfortable activation to take up space, we often find there is not enough room for the rest of us to exist.

To those of you settling into the depths of your experiences, I see you.