Something we don’t talk nearly enough about is how devastating it is to need to rely on the person who is causing you the most harm. It is heartbreaking to realize that the very person who should be there to save you is the very person you need saving from.

We can likely easily make sense of this pain when we are thinking about those who are experiencing violence, intentional abuse, and physical punishment from their caregivers. However, we also need to consider the pain of having to turn to and count on a caregiver who is repeatedly missing the mark, who is accidentally harming you, who is never emotionally available, who is more focused on themselves than they are on the developmental needs of their child.

Recognizing Emotional Neglect
Emotional neglect, just like violence and abuse, leaves us feeling scared and alone. And for those for whom the wounds are emotional and thus invisible, they often find themselves suffering in silence while others don’t understand the pain they’ve endured at the hands of their caregiver(s).

The pain of needing a caregiver who is unavailable and uninterested in showing up is profound. It is devastating to have to rely on someone who is harming you to keep you alive and well.

Consider the phrase: I am the only one who needs to validate my experience.

Directions: Say this phrase out loud to yourself or allow the words to take up space inside of you while you gently consider them. Notice any sensations, thoughts, images, or emotions that come up as you try on this phrase. Allow these factors to exist without pushing them away, while continuing to consider the ways that your own validation serves you. Allow yourself to experiment with this statement, and make it your own if these exact words do not resonate. As you are able, consider the ways in which you can validate yourself, your reality, and your past experiences, daily.

Navigating the Healing Process
One of the first stages of healing from emotional neglect is getting really clear on how your upbringing is impacting you today. When we can start to acknowledge our own pain and allow the totality of our reality to exist, we can begin to see that our right now ways of being are highly influenced by pain and relational upset from the past. Throughout our healing journey we may find ourselves needing to create and maintain new boundaries with others so that we can fully honor our own reality, and I’ll be the first to tell you just how difficult it can be to create and maintain boundaries with the people who were once your only form of support- even if their presence never really felt that supportive.

Even if your caregivers hold a different narrative about your upbringing, your story is still real. Your journey is valid and important, even if it means confronting painful truths about those who raised you and creating boundaries that honor your reality moving forward. The Healing Your Way Home Retreat coming up on September 19th - 23rd is a great resource for those recovering from emotional neglect, as it provides a safe container with highly-skilled trauma therapists and somatic experiencing practitioners, who understand the impact emotional neglect can have on one's sense of safety. We are there to guide and support you as you attend to the parts of yourself that need gentleness and care as you move forward from your traumatic past. Remember, dear one, acknowledging these truths is not about assigning blame but about understanding your experiences and finding a path to healing. To those of you who are healing from your childhood wounds, I see you.

Thank you for letting me see you,