For many of us, belonging has always been about something external—about finding our place in a group, a family, a relationship. We were taught, whether directly or indirectly, that we needed to fit in to be safe, to be loved, to be accepted. And so we learned how to read a room. We learned how to shift, how to adapt, how to silence the parts of ourselves that felt too complicated, too messy, or too much.

Maybe this started early, before we had a fully formed sense of self. Maybe we never had the chance to ask, Who am I when I’m not molding myself to fit? Maybe we never learned how to belong to ourselves because we were too busy ensuring we belonged to others.

But here’s the thing—when we shape ourselves to meet the needs of those around us, we might gain acceptance, but at what cost? If we spend our days tending to others at the expense of our own needs, if we silence our thoughts and override our instincts, if we abandon ourselves to maintain connection with others, what we’re left with isn’t true belonging. It’s performance. It’s survival.

Real belonging—the kind that nourishes and sustains us—doesn’t require us to betray ourselves. It invites us to show up fully, without shrinking, without self-erasure, without fear that being ourselves will mean being cast aside.

But if we were never taught how to belong to ourselves, how do we start?

It begins with noticing the ways we’ve been conditioned to turn away from ourselves. Do we dismiss our needs before we even acknowledge them? Do we hesitate to express ourselves out of fear that we’ll be too much? Do we feel guilt when we set a boundary or prioritize our own well-being? These are signs that we’ve learned to equate self-abandonment with connection.

Reclaiming a sense of belonging with ourselves requires a gentle reorientation. It means practicing self-awareness—tuning in instead of tuning out. It means honoring our emotions instead of pushing them aside. It means allowing ourselves to take up space, even when it feels uncomfortable at first.

This process isn’t about rejecting relationships or shutting others out. It’s about integrating ourselves into the equation. The more we cultivate internal belonging, the more we recognize what feels good, what feels safe, and what feels aligned. And as we grow into that sense of self, we begin to attract the spaces, the relationships, and the communities where we are not just accepted, but deeply known.

Journal Prompt: What is one way you’ve silenced or ignored yourself in order to maintain connection with others? What would it feel like to choose yourself in that moment instead?

Dear one, you don’t have to prove your worth by how much of yourself you give away. Belonging isn’t something you have to earn—it’s something you deserve, exactly as you are.

Thank you for letting me see you,