We all have moments where our emotional response surprises us.

Maybe you’re in a conversation, and someone talks over you or dismisses something you’ve said. It’s a small interruption, but suddenly, you feel invisible. Maybe you shut down. Maybe your chest tightens, or you find yourself replaying the moment hours later.

If the reaction feels louder than the moment, it might be because it’s carrying something old.

Dear one, sometimes our current pain is tied less to what’s happening now and more to what never had space to be felt in the past, especially if we’ve experienced emotional neglect, dismissal, or misattunement in childhood. These early wounds don’t always speak clearly. They often live in our bodies, in our patterns, in the way we interpret the world around us.

So when someone overlooks us in a conversation, it might not just feel rude, it might feel like a reenactment of every time we tried to speak and no one listened. Of every moment we felt unseen, unheard, or dismissed when it really mattered.

And if we haven’t tended to that original hurt, we might find ourselves reacting to this one moment as if it’s the culmination of them all. We might avoid that person, lash out, or spiral into thoughts like “Why do I even try?” Not because we’re dramatic or overly sensitive, but because we’re carrying pain that has never had a place to go.

Here’s what’s important to remember: our adult relationships can’t carry the unmet needs of our childhood. That kind of care was supposed to come from our caregivers, and when it didn’t, it left a gap we often try to fill without realizing it.

So when our friend, partner, or colleague doesn’t respond the way we hope, it makes sense that we might feel something deeper. But that deeper thing deserves our attention, not just our reaction.

This is the work of healing: learning to ask, What is this really bringing up for me? and does all of this belong to right now?

The more we practice that, the better we will become at staying present. We can honor what hurt us then—and show up more grounded, more whole, and more open in the now.

You don’t have to keep carrying what wasn’t yours to hold. You get to acknowledge it, tend to it, and choose something new.