In our continuous journey toward healing and self-discovery, we often encounter the challenge of balancing how we see ourselves with how others perceive us. For many, the tendency to prioritize others’ opinions over our own leads to a disconnection from our true selves. This external focus can become exhausting, leaving us feeling lost and disconnected from our own needs, wants, and desires. To truly thrive, we must learn to care more about what we think of ourselves than what others think of us.

Understanding the Impact of External Validation
Perhaps the people least likely to like themselves are the ones who spend all of their time and energy ensuring other people like them. This fixation on external validation diverts our attention from our internal world. When we are preoccupied with others’ perspectives, we often lose sight of our own needs and desires. For some, this focus on others is so ingrained that they no longer know what their innate needs and desires are.

Every minute spent ruminating on how others see us is a minute lost in understanding how we see ourselves. This constant shapeshifting to meet others’ expectations can leave us feeling empty and disconnected from our true selves. It’s difficult to become a version of ourselves that we truly like when we are busy being everything to everyone else.

Embracing Self-Understanding
If you want to become more of yourself, understand yourself more deeply, and experience yourself more fully, you must prioritize your own perspective. This means valuing your own thoughts, feelings, and desires above others’ opinions. It’s not about disregarding others entirely but about finding a balance where your self-worth is not solely dependent on external validation.

Shifting this focus requires introspection and courage. It involves tuning into your inner world and allowing yourself to explore your true desires and needs. By doing so, you create a foundation for a more authentic and fulfilling life.

Consider the phrase: My healing is for me

Directions: Say this phrase out loud or allow yourself to make room for the words internally. As you speak these words to yourself, what do you notice? Are there any sensations speaking to you from inside your body? Are there any feelings coming up in response to this phrase? As you are able, allow your body to soften and relax in response to these words. Notice how taking back your autonomy helps to create some safety inside your body, even just for a moment. Return to this phrase often, especially when you need the reminder to return to yourself.

Taking Steps Toward Self-Discovery
To begin this journey of self-discovery, start by carving out time for yourself. Reflect on what you truly want and need, independent of others’ expectations. Practice self-compassion and acknowledge that it’s okay to prioritize your own well-being.

Consider the following steps to help you shift your focus inward:

1. Set Boundaries: Protect your time and energy by setting boundaries with others. This allows you to create space for self-reflection and self-care.
2. Engage in Self-Reflection: Spend time with yourself attending to your thoughts, feelings, and sensations. You might find journaling or meditating helpful in this process as you consider your values and needs.
3. Practice Self-Compassion: Be kind to yourself as you navigate this journey. Acknowledge that it’s a process and that it’s okay to take small steps. Validate yourself and your feelings each step of the way.
4. Seek Support: Surround yourself with people who support your journey of self-discovery. This could include friends, family, or a therapist who understands your goals.

To those of you longing to know who you really are, I see you. The journey to self-discovery is not always easy, but it is profoundly rewarding. By shifting your focus from external validation to internal understanding, you can reclaim your self-worth and live a more authentic life.

Remember dear one, you are worthy of healing and things don’t have to be as they have always been. Be patient with yourself and celebrate the steps you take towards becoming your true self.

Thank you for letting me see you,