For many of us, the idea of nurturing friendships as adults can feel unfamiliar, even daunting. Unlike family or romantic relationships, which come with visible (and sometimes overemphasized) blueprints, friendships aren’t as widely modeled or taught. In childhood, our friends often came from convenience—classmates, neighbors, teammates. But as adults, making and nurturing friendships requires intention and care, and it often doesn’t look like the automatic connections we remember from our younger years.

Relational Dynamics That Strengthen Friendships
The heart of nurturing friendships lies in the quality of the relationship itself—the way we communicate, share, and show up for each other. Here are some key dynamics that help build strong, healthy connections:

• Direct and Thoughtful Communication: Friendship flourishes when communication is honest and respectful. This doesn’t mean you’ll always say what’s easy or what the other person wants to hear, but it does mean you’re willing to be clear and considerate. Speaking directly about your needs or feelings, even when it's hard, is an essential part of a healthy friendship.
• Expressing Empathy and Compassion: Understanding that your friends have their own histories and struggles can go a long way in creating a compassionate connection. Friendships grow when we’re able to empathize with one another, and when we show up with kindness, even if we don’t fully understand the other person’s experience.
• Respecting Boundaries and Differences: Healthy friendships thrive on boundaries that allow each person to feel safe. This might look like honoring someone’s preference to skip a concert while suggesting an activity that suits both of you, like going for coffee instead. Knowing that your friend respects your boundaries and preferences reinforces a sense of security and trust.
• Open Communication Around Needs: Expecting friends to read our minds is a common trap in adult friendships. We assume that if they “really” cared, they’d just know what we want or need. But real connection means expressing our needs openly. If your life circumstances change—like becoming a parent or starting a demanding job—it’s important to share your new needs with friends rather than hoping they’ll sense the change on their own.

How to Foster Connection with Intention
Many of us were never taught how to navigate adult friendships, so here are some practical ways to nurture these relationships:

• Make the First Move: We often hesitate to initiate plans, waiting instead to be invited. But nurturing friendships requires both give and take. Reaching out and asking a friend to meet up or do an activity shows that you value their presence in your life.
• Be Honest About Your Preferences: Not every friend will enjoy the same activities, and that’s okay. If a friend invites you to something that isn’t your preference, you can respectfully let them know and suggest an alternative. “I’d love to spend time with you, but concerts aren’t really my thing. How about a coffee date instead?” By being honest, you’re showing them that spending time together matters to you, even if the activity needs adjusting.
• Practice Feedback and Openness: Sometimes, friends do things that hurt or bother us, and it’s easy to harbor those feelings in silence. But true friendship involves being willing to share when something feels off. Instead of letting resentment build, try bringing it up gently: “When you said ____, it hurt my feelings. Can we talk about it?” This approach not only nurtures honesty but also gives the friendship a chance to grow through understanding and repair.

Different Levels of Friendship Are Okay
In adulthood, friendships don’t have to follow a “best friend” model. You might have friends with whom you share specific interests—one friend for concerts, another for coffee dates, a third for running errands together. Having friends for different aspects of your life can be freeing, allowing you to enjoy the unique qualities each person brings. Embracing these varying levels of intimacy can deepen your connections without feeling the need to force a one-size-fits-all relationship.

Growing Through the Nuances
Nurturing friendships in adulthood involves accepting the nuances of connection. Sometimes you and your friend will be growing at different paces, or have differing opinions, and that’s natural. Staying open to growth—for both of you—adds layers to your connection. It’s about knowing that healthy friendships allow space for differences without threatening the bond.

In the end, nurturing friendship is about building a safe, supportive, and fulfilling connection. You don’t need to have all the answers, and friendships don’t have to look like the ones you see on TV. Instead, find what works for you, embrace the moments of joy, and know that each step you take to nurture your friendships brings you closer to the rich, supportive connections you deserve.

Thank you for letting me see you,