For those of us who spent our formative years navigating the turbulent waters of a challenging upbringing, reaching adulthood often presents a unique set of challenges and opportunities. If survival was the theme of your childhood, it's not uncommon to arrive at adulthood with a sense that the task of truly understanding who you are has just begun.

Surviving a complex trauma environment often requires us to develop coping strategies and defense mechanisms that are crucial for our immediate safety and emotional well-being. These tools are invaluable in the contexts for which they were developed, but they can obscure the full picture of who we are beyond our survival stories.

As you step into adulthood, you might find that part of your healing journey involves unraveling the layers of your identity that were formed in response to trauma. This process is not about discarding the parts of yourself that helped you get through difficult times but rather about exploring and integrating them with the aspects of your personality that were overshadowed by survival needs.

Embracing the Quest for Identity
The quest to find out who you are beyond your trauma can be an exciting, yet scary, exploration of self-discovery. It allows you to ask fundamental questions like, "What do I truly enjoy?" "What are my passions?" and "What values do I want to live by?" This exploration can feel like mapping uncharted territory, where each step forward reveals a new aspect of your personality and potential.

This journey can also be daunting. It requires the courage to confront the unknown aspects of yourself and the vulnerability to accept whatever you find. However, it's important to approach this process with curiosity rather than allowing your fear to take center stage. Each discovery, whether it brings joy or discomfort, is a valuable piece of the puzzle that makes up your unique self. As you are able, allow both your fear and your interest to co-exist.

Healing as a Path to Self-Discovery
Part of the healing process for complex trauma survivors includes embracing the full spectrum of their experiences and emotions. This means acknowledging and validating your pain and also your coping mechanisms while allowing joy, peace, and fulfillment to exist as well.

As you navigate this path, you might find it helpful to engage in activities that foster self-expression and self-connection, such as journaling, art, therapy, and somatic practices. These activities can provide a safe space to explore your thoughts and feelings, experiment with new ways of being, and gradually integrate your past experiences into a coherent narrative that honors the totality of you.

You Are More Than Your Trauma
It's crucial to remind yourself that you are more than your past experiences. Your trauma does not define your identity; it is just one part of your story. Embracing this truth may help to set you free from the burdens of the part as it can open you up to a world where your past informs, but does not constrain your future.

Consider the phrase: I am not what happened to me, I am my own person

Directions: As you are able, try this phrase on. Allow yourself to speak the words out loud or simply imagine the words floating around inside of you. Try saying the words slowly and softly. Let each syllable be known by your body. Say the first part with your whole chest, “I am not what happened to me” and notice any shifts that occur inside of your body. When we feel ready, say the second half of the phrase, “I am my own person” as a gentle reminder to yourself that you are yours, and you are so much more than anything you’ve ever had to endure. Notice how each part of this phrase may want to take up residence in different areas of your body and revisit this statement as frequently as you desire.

The journey of finding out who you are beyond your trauma is a profound process of reclaiming your identity and autonomy. It involves acknowledging the survival strategies that have served you well while also opening up to new experiences that allow you to live more fully and authentically. Our Somatic Movement and Meditation Group can be a foundational stepping stone on this path to healing.

To all complex trauma survivors stepping into this journey, remember that you are not alone. Many have walked this path before you, and many will walk it after. Each and every move you make in your healing journey brings you closer to yourself. Every gentle gesture in your favor supports a more integrated and authentic Self moving forward. Here's to finding and embracing the fullness of your being, beyond what you had to endure in the past.