In relationships, a frequent theme emerges, often shaped by our childhood experiences: the intense focus on ‘being right.’ For many of us, this need stems from a past where being wrong was not just a momentary lapse but a label that stuck, diminishing our sense of worth and belonging. Many of us felt like we had to do the very right thing or else. Many of us learned that figuring things out and predicting the next steps was the only way to stay safe. This defensive stance, deeply rooted in the fear of being dismissed, harmed, or rejected, shapes how we engage with others, often prioritizing our need to be right over the opportunity to connect and understand.

The journey from defending our stance to embracing vulnerability and openness is both challenging and liberating. It invites us to shift our focus from being heard in our righteousness to being heard in our humanity. This shift is not about lowering our voices to make others comfortable but about finding a way to express our truths in a manner that can be received and honored.

Consider the powerful realization that needing to be right can often be a barrier to true connection. When we operate from a place of defensiveness, we miss the opportunity to see and be seen by others. It's in the moments when we choose to speak from our wounds, rather than our ego or defensiveness, that we open the door to genuine understanding and empathy.

Consider the phrase: My pain deserves to be felt

Directions: Try on this phrase. Allow yourself to say the words out loud or simply consider them internally. Imagine the pain that you’ve been carrying around without fully acknowledging it. Attend to the parts of you that receive this statement. Notice how your pain may feel initially more intense and then soften as you validate it. If the pain in your body feels too intense, notice the places in your body that are not filled with pain. Tend to the duality that exists within you and let your pain know that it is valid and it deserves to be felt. Comfort your pain by letting it know you will listen to it, so it no longer needs to consume you. You and your pain can co-exist.

Speaking from the wound requires us to be honest and vulnerable, allowing others to witness the impact they have on us. This level of openness can feel daunting, as it goes against the self-protection mechanisms we developed while we were surviving. Yet, it's in this space of vulnerability that true healing and connection begin. When we share our truths, we not only invite others into our experience but also encourage them to share their own truths, fostering a deeper mutual understanding.

Practical Steps to Cultivate Vulnerability in Communication:

• Reflect on the Origin of Your Need to Be Right: Understanding the roots of this need can help you recognize when you're operating from a place of defensiveness.
• Practice Speaking from Your Truth: Before responding in a conversation, take a moment to check in with yourself. Are you speaking from your pain or your defense? Shifting to speak from your truth, even when it reveals your vulnerabilities,  can transform your interactions by deepening the dynamic truth between you and another person.
• Listen Actively and Openly: Active listening involves more than just hearing words; it's about being fully present and open to understanding the other's perspective, even if it differs from your own.
• Express Your Feelings Without Blame: Use "I" statements to express how you feel without placing blame on the other person. For example, "I felt hurt when..." instead of "You hurt me by..."
• Invite Openness: Encourage others to share their truths by creating a safe and non-judgmental space for them to express their feelings and thoughts.

As we navigate our relationships, let us remember that our strength lies not in proving ourselves right, but in our capacity to be vulnerable, to listen, and to connect deeply with others. This path may not always be easy, but it is rich with the potential for growth, healing, and more meaningful and authentic connections.

Thank you for letting me see you,